Introduction to the 10 Great Dates Couple Checkup
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Taking the time to reflect on your relationship is an important part of growing as a couple and preparing for marriage. With 20 different aspects of your relationship measured, the 10 Great Dates Checkup is designed to get you talking and thinking together about your relationship and taking steps to grow both as individuals and as a couple. This Couple Checkup is based on over 25 years of research with the PREPARE/ENRICH Program.
One goal of the 10 Great Dates Checkup is to celebrate your relationship strengths. You should be proud of the areas where you and your partner are doing well. Keep nurturing these aspects of your relationship so they remain strong. Strengths can help you compensate and address other areas of your relationship that need improvement. For example, if you have strengths in communication, but struggle with Finances, take time to communicate about financial issue and talk about your concerns with one another. Next, use your communication skills to brainstorm possible solutions and offer support to one another as you begin to make changes.
Another goal of the 10 Great Dates Checkup is to identify issues you disagree on and need to resolve. Just like a mechanic determines what is working and what is not when tuning up your car, relationships require direction, maintenance, and attention to keep growing and running smoothly. By identifying your relationship growth areas, issues can be resolved. Later Checkups can reveal the progress you’ve made, and sometimes point to new areas that need attention. Don’t view your results as permanent, or unchangeable. These results are a snap-shot of where your relationship is at today.
A third goal is to encourage you and your partner to talk about your relationship. By sharing your feelings and ideas, you will discover ways to build a stronger relationship. Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All couples have challenges and issues, as well as strengths that attracted you to one another in the first place. You should take time to digest these results and discuss the checkup with your partner. We suggest combining these discussion times with our book, 10 Great Dates Before You Say “I Do.” You can use your dates to help you discuss specific topics in your 10 Great Dates Checkup. You will find the dating format makes marriage preparation fun and will help you focus on each other while preparing for your future together. Here’s a suggested schedule for combining this checkup with 10 Great Dates:
Date One: Sharing Hopes, Dreams, and Expectations This is a great date to launch your couple discussions. Have fun dreaming together and talking about your expectations and consider which ones are realistic.
- Conduct an overview of the results from the Couple Checkup.
- Discuss the Premarital Expectations Section of the Checkup.
Date Two: Appreciating Your Differences – On this date you will have the opportunity to consider how you can benefit from each other’s strengths and how you can complement each other in the ways you are different
- Discuss summary of strength areas and growth areas.
- Review and discuss the Personality SCOPE
Date Three: Communicating and Connecting – This date will help you connect through sharing your feelings with one another and by talking about your family of origin’s communication style.
- Talk about the Key Relationship Categories starting with “Communication”
Date Four: Solving Problems as a Couple – Date Four is crafted to help you learn ways to resolve honest conflict by working through problems together.
- Talk about the Key Relationship category “Conflict Resolution”.
Date Five: Managing Your Money – This is a great dates to help you talk about your financial expectations and consider how you want to handle your finances after marriage.
- Talk about the Key Relationship Category “Financial Management”.
Date Six: Leaving and Cleaving – This is a good time to talk about your families of origin, and your expectations for future involvement with your families and your friends, and how to build your own friendship after marriage.
- Review and discuss the Couple and Family Map section of the Checkup
Date Seven: Celebrating Intimacy, Love, and Romance - This date will help you define what intimacy, love, and romance mean to you. You will have the opportunity to talk about the facets of a love life and how to get our differing desires and expectations in sync.
- Talk about the Key Relationship Category “Affection and Sexual Expectations”.
Date Eight: Realizing Roles and Planning for Family – On this date you can talk about your expectations concerning roles in marriage, how you want to divide and share chores and life tasks, and your expectations concerning family planning.
- Talk about the Premarital Expectations Issue Relationship Roles and Blended Family Issues
Date Nine: Developing Spiritual Intimacy –The purpose of this date is to share together where you are on your spiritual quest and to look at ways to develop spiritual intimacy.
- Discuss the Key Relationship Category “Spiritual Beliefs”.
Date Ten: Choosing an Intentional Marriage – This date will help you consider what marriage involvement style will work best for you and will encourage you to set marriage goals to help you turn your desires and dreams for your marriage into reality.
- Look back at your strength and growth areas and have fun setting goals for the future.
NOTE: As you go through your 10 Great Dates Couple Checkup, you might want to consider finding a mentor couple who would be willing to meet with you to answer questions and give encouragement. Also, if on your dates and in your discussions you have serious concerns, consider contacting a counselor who can administer a more complete inventory and/or give you professional feedback and assistance.
We hope you will enjoy the process of growing together as a couple. Remember, the more you invest in your relationship, the more you both will benefit. We wish you much success as a couple!